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Bitte um korrektur! =)(wichtige Arbeit)
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Foren-Übersicht -> Englisch-Forum -> Bitte um korrektur! =)(wichtige Arbeit)
 
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l0calinaa
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Anmeldungsdatum: 23.08.2009
Beiträge: 3

BeitragVerfasst am: 23 Aug 2009 - 15:23:03    Titel: Bitte um korrektur! =)(wichtige Arbeit)

Hey ihr!
Es wäre super nett wenn das jemand korrigieren könnte, ist für ne wichtige Arbeit!Smile

Laura is 15 years old.
She lives in a modern terrace house in Stammheim with her whole Family.
Laura likes animals. Her favourite animal is the pig.
Her parents are working.
Her mother’s an English teacher and her father works in the company Credit Suisse.
She has to get up early on weekdays, 6.00 o’clock.
The sound of her droning alarm with that repetitive beeping has to wake she up.
She gets ready and then she goes downstairs to have breakfast.
If she’s ready, she takes the train to Winterthur and after she takes the bus to the school.
It's because she has two visual design lessons on 8.35 to 10.05.
On Monday, Laura’s got school from 8.35 to 15.55
Since the 16th August she’s currently a 1th grader at a the German high school in Berlin.
The base to do the music-highschool is because Laura likes music.
For 6 years she’s playing piano.
At 12.45 she’s got a lunch break of 40 minutes.
At that time she goes to the cafeteria to have lunch.
15.55 if it’s breaking-up Laura goes home and take a shower, do her homework and go to pursue her hobbys: going out with her friends, playing computer, singing and listening to music, and when her mom’s cooking dinner she helps her.
After a long day, she goes sleeping armong 22.00 and 23.00.


Dankeeee <3
Porfavor
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Anmeldungsdatum: 18.11.2008
Beiträge: 1477
Wohnort: Mainz

BeitragVerfasst am: 23 Aug 2009 - 16:10:52    Titel:

Laura is 15 years old.
She lives in a modern terrace house in Stammheim (together) with her whole Family.
Laura likes animals. Her favourite animal is the pig.
Her parents work.
Her mother’s an English teacher and her father works in the company Credit Suisse.
She has to get up early on weekdays, 6.00 o’clock.
The sound of her droning alarm with that repetitive beeping has to wake her up.
She gets ready and then she goes downstairs to have breakfast.
When she’s ready, she takes the train to Winterthur and afterwards she takes the bus to the school.
It's because she has two visual design lessons from 8.35 to 10.05.
On Monday, Laura’s got school (lessons...besser) from 8.35 to 15.55
Since the 16th of August she’s currently a 1th grader at a the German high school in Berlin.
The base to do the music-highschool is because Laura likes music. (hä?)
For 6 years she’s playing piano. (Since six years ago she plays...oder...for six years she played the piano)
At 12.45 she’s got a lunch break of 40 minutes.
At that time she goes to the cafeteria to have lunch.
At 15.55 if it’s breaking-up Laura goes home and takes a shower, does her homework and goes to pursue (geht gar nich...such was anderes) her hobbies: going out with her friends, playing computer (games), singing and listening to music, and when her mom’s cooking dinner she helps her.
After a long day, she goes sleeping among 22.00 and 23.00


Und noch was: Im Englischen gibt es immer am und pm Zeiten. So Zeiten wie 15.55 gibt es nicht. Das ist 3.55 pm.
Stilistisch habe ich jetzt nichts verbessert. Wäre auf die schnelle zu viel verlangt. Wüsste nicht, wo ich ansetzen soll^^


Zuletzt bearbeitet von Porfavor am 23 Aug 2009 - 17:58:20, insgesamt einmal bearbeitet
erkanyildirim
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Anmeldungsdatum: 05.05.2008
Beiträge: 153

BeitragVerfasst am: 23 Aug 2009 - 16:35:05    Titel:

Laura is 15 years old.
She lives in a modern terrace house in Stammheim with her whole family.
Laura likes animals. Her favourite animal is the pig.
Her parents both work.
Her mother is an English teacher and her father works in the company Credit Suisse.
She has to get up early on weekdays, 6.00 o’clock every morning.
The sound of her droning alarm with that repetitive beeping has to wake her up.
When she gets ready, she goes downstairs to have breakfast.
After the breakfast she gets ready and takes the train to Winterthur. She gets off there and takes the bus to school.
It's because she has two visual design lessons from 8.35 to 10.05 o'clock.
On mondays Laura’s got school from 8.35 to 15.55 o'clock.
Since the 16th of August she has currently been a 1th grader at the German high school in Berlin.
Loving music is the reason why Laura visits the music-highschool.
She has been playing piano for six years.
At 12.45 o'clock she has got lunch break for 40 minutes and she spends this time by going to the cafeteria and having lunch.
When she is finished with school at 15.55 o'clock she goes home and takes a shower. does her homeworks and does a lot of acitivities like going out with friends, playing computer, listening to music.
She also helps her mother by cooking dinner.
Between 22 and 23 o'clock she goes sleeping after a long day.
l0calinaa
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Anmeldungsdatum: 23.08.2009
Beiträge: 3

BeitragVerfasst am: 23 Aug 2009 - 17:10:08    Titel:

herzlichen Dank an euch:)
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