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Essay writing / TOEFL Test - Bitte um Korrektur
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TVU*55
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BeitragVerfasst am: 30 Aug 2009 - 13:21:17    Titel: Essay writing / TOEFL Test - Bitte um Korrektur

Hallo zusammen,

ich schreibe demnächst meinen TOEFL Test und stehe in den Startlöchern zur Vorbereitung auf das letzte Thema. Ich habe mich gerade einfach mal ad hoc an einem Essay versucht über ein Thema, das mir gerade einfiel.

ich würde mich über eine Korrektur und Anmerkungen sehr freuen und ich hoffe, dass ich Schema des TOEFL (Introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) halbwegs getroffen habe. Am liebsten wäre mir natürlich feedback von jemandem, der das alles schon hinter sich hat Wink

Zitat:

The wish to fly to the stars is as old as mankind. Despite we’re able to fly to the moon and to send probes to the outer planets of the solar system, other stars are as unreachable as 2,000 years ago. However developing space technology remains a key issue of mankinds science and economy.

In the early sixties NASA was assigned to a man to the moon until the decade ends. Whereas billions of dollars were spent so accomplish this goal, the space program provided much more than a technological victory against the soviet union. Indeed a lot of foundations of research were done which provided access to new high developed technologies in the following years.

Furthermore this technological development lead to the reason, why travelling to space is still important as it was fifty years ago. Today spaceflights are becoming a serious alternative to adventure trips offered by travel agencies. Despite only rich people can afford such a trip, the high public interest in such kind of tourism proves that travelling to space is not only an issue of research and science, indeed it is new key area for the economy. Travel agencies and specialised enterprises have discovered the potentials of getting people into space. Through larger and faster vessels which are capable of transporting more people at once, the costs per head are getting lower and lower so more people can afford such a trip which is in the interest of any enterprise offering those trips. Additionally, this fact links back into making progress through science. The need for more effective space ships causes new scientific progress from which other parts of the economy can benefit, too.

Finally it is a fact proven by commercial success, that travelling to space is neither a waste of money nor is an unnecessary luxury. The success in economy and science wouldn’t be the same without eager space programs. Developing technology to leave earth will remain a key issue for our science and economy. Travelling to distinct stars maybe will remain an unachievable dream, but mankind’s present in space provides much benefit for our civilisation, even if we stay in our solar system. And last but not least, already looking down to earth surface from two hundred kilometres of above is an experience which will be unforgettable.
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BeitragVerfasst am: 31 Aug 2009 - 00:59:40    Titel: Re:

Zitat:

The wish to fly to the stars is as old as mankind. Despite we’re able to fly to the moon and to send probes to the outer planets of the solar system, other stars are as unreachable as 2,000 years ago. However developing space technology remains a key issue of mankinds science and economy.

In the early sixties NASA was assigned to a man to the moon until the decade ends. Whereas billions of dollars were spent soto accomplish this goal, the space program provided much more than a technological victory against the soviet union(Name = Groß schreiben). Indeed a lot of foundations of research were doneIndeed, a lot of research was done, which provided access to new high developed technologies in the following years.

Furthermore this technological development lead to the reason, why travelling to space is still important as it was fifty years ago. Today spaceflights are becoming a serious alternative to adventure trips offered by travel agencies. Despite only rich people can afford such a trip, the high public interest in such kind of tourism proves that travelling to space is not only an issue of research and science, indeed it is new a key area for the economy. Travel agencies and specialised enterprises have discovered the potentials of getting people into space. Through larger and faster vessels which are capable of transporting more people at once, the costs per head are getting lower and lower so more people can afford such a trip which is in the interest of any enterprise offering those trips. Additionally, this fact links back into making progress through science. The need for more effective space ships causes new scientific progress from which other parts of the economy can benefit, too.

Finally it is a fact proven by commercial success, that travelling to space is neither a waste of money nor is an unnecessary luxury. The success in economy and science wouldn’t be the same without eager space programs. Developing technology to leave earth will remain a key issue for our science and economy. Travelling to distinct stars maybe will remain an unachievable dream, but mankind’s present in space provides much benefit for our civilisation, even if we stay in our solar system. And last but not least, already looking down to the earth surface from two hundred kilometres of above is an experience which will be unforgettable.


Ist jetzt das was mir beim einmaligen lesen aufgefallen ist, Angaben ohne Gewähr ist zwei Uhr nachts.
TVU*55
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BeitragVerfasst am: 01 Sep 2009 - 19:51:23    Titel:

Hey, besten Dank schonmal!
Janine2407
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BeitragVerfasst am: 02 Sep 2009 - 22:19:16    Titel:

The wish to fly to the stars is as old as mankind. Despite we’re we are able to fly to the moon and (to) send probes to the outer planets of the solar system, other stars are as unreachable as 2,000 years ago. However, developing space technology remains a key issue of mankinds science and economy.

In the early sixties [color=red]the?[/color] NASA was assigned to a man to the moon until the decade ends. Whereas billions of dollars were spent so accomplish this goal, the space program provided much more than a technological victory against the Soviet union (the Soviets?). Indeed a lot of foundations of research were done(?) which provided access to new high developed technologies in the following years.

Furthermore, this technological development lead to the reason, why travelling to space is still important as it was fifty years ago. Today spaceflights are becoming a serious alternative to adventure trips offered by travel agencies. Despite only rich people can afford such a trip, the high public interest in such kind of tourism proves that travelling to space is not only an issue of research and science, indeed it is new key area for the economy. Travel agencies and specialised enterprises have discovered the potentials of getting people into space. Through larger and faster vessels which are capable of transporting more people at once, the costs per head are getting lower and lower so more people can afford such a trip which is in the interest of any enterprise offering those trips. Additionally, this fact links back into making progress through science. The need for more effective space ships causes new scientific progress from which other parts of the economy can benefit, too.

Finally, it is a fact proven by commercial success, that travelling to space is neither a waste of money nor is it an unnecessary luxury. The success in economy and science wouldn’t would not be the same without eager space programs. Developing technology to leave earth will remain a key issue for our science and economy. Travelling to distinct stars maybe will remain an unachievable dream, but mankind’s present in space provides much benefit for our civilisation, even if we stay in our solar system. And last but not least, already looking down to earth surface from two hundred kilometres of above is an experience which will be unforgettable.
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BeitragVerfasst am: 03 Sep 2009 - 19:32:03    Titel:

'despite we are able to'?

...

"Despite being able to..."

- mankind's presence in space
- ...NASA was tasked with putting a man on the moon by the end of the decade.
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BeitragVerfasst am: 05 Sep 2009 - 00:56:25    Titel: Jizz in my pants

Zitat:

lead to the reason, why

such redundance shall be obliterated

Zitat:

travelling to space [...] is new key area for the economy


besides building the largest doorknob ever for the benefit of mankind Rolling Eyes
teroh
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BeitragVerfasst am: 05 Sep 2009 - 03:13:32    Titel:

Although we are able to fly ("despite being" geht nicht, weil das Subjekt im Hauptsatz ein anderes ist)

The NASA was assigned to send a human (being) to the moon... ("man" ist sexistisch)
Indeed, a lot of research has been done, which lead to ... (hier ist das present perfect vorzuziehen)

"Earth" anstatt "earth", du sprichst vom Planet, also groß!
the Earth's surface [i](groß weil du vom Planet sprichst, Genitiv-s nicht vergessen)

zwischen "reason" und "why" kein Komma.

Mehr eventuell morgen bzw. später heute.
Zwanglos
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BeitragVerfasst am: 05 Sep 2009 - 07:01:41    Titel:

teroh hat folgendes geschrieben:
Although we are able to fly ("despite being" geht nicht, weil das Subjekt im Hauptsatz ein anderes ist)


I'd argue that 'us' or 'humankind' is implied, but it's a good point.

Zitat:
The NASA was assigned to send a human (being) to the moon... ("man" ist sexistisch)


A woman has yet to set foot on the moon Razz
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BeitragVerfasst am: 05 Sep 2009 - 07:04:21    Titel:

Nebenbei!

Kein 'the' bei NASA. Nur wenn es ausgeschrieben wird i.e. "the National Aeronautics and Space Administration"
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