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Korrektur/Kritik erwünscht
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*xknuddlmausx*
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BeitragVerfasst am: 06 Dez 2009 - 13:50:18    Titel: Korrektur/Kritik erwünscht

Hallo ihr Lieben ich sitze gerade an einem Englisch Vortrag und habe leider niemanden, der mir diesen korrigieren kann.
Da hier ja viele kompetente Leute sind, würde es mir wirklich helfen.
zum einen würde mich eine sachliche Kritik wirklich weiter bringen: d.h was würdet ihr noch ergänzen was ist stilistisch nicht ganz so schön u.s.w
grundsätzlich wär mir aber sehr wichtig, dass mir jemand bei der Korrektur meines Textes hilft.
In meiner Analyse geht es um das Sonnet 130 von William Shakespeare.
Ich habe an Stelle der traditionellen Analysemethode Analyse und Inhaltsangabe gekoppelt, weil es mir anders zu langweilig vorkam (verbesserungen?)
naja genug des Guten hier ist meine Analyse

The Sonnet 130 by W.S deals with the subject area love and it´s meaning which is expressed by the speaker.

The Sonnet consist of 3 quatrains and a final couplet like its distinguishing for Shakespearean Sonnets.
The first Quatrain opens with a unexpected similie"my Mistress eyes are nothing like the sun"
At this point that kind of similie is a surprising similie because normally we would expect that especially in a love poem poets would praise theyr beloved their feelings by paying them a compliment.
In the next few lines Shakespeare Continues with describing other appereances of his Mistress in a demonstrative negative way.
In these lines he focuses on rhetorical devices like colors("..."),contrasts/similies /anaohora(wie kann ich die Auzählung an dieser Stelle eleganter ausdrücken?) to underline that his Mistress appereance isn´t compareable with the idealistic view of a Mistress.
At the same time Shakespeare critizises this superficial way of thinking.

In the next Quatrain he goes on with describing his Mistress by using other similies in which he say that there isn´t any rosiness in her cheeks(l.5f).
Also he describes his Mistress in the sense of sound and informs us about his Mitress bad breath by comparing it with perfume. (l...)

In the last Quatrain the Speaker gives his first compliment; "I love to hear her speak"(l.)
But in the following line we take a turn and get to know(hört sich mMn sehr komisch an Confused )that he would actually prefer music (l.10)
After that it follows a smilie in which he compares his Mistress walk with a goddes walk (l..) and says that his Mistress heavy-footed walk can´t be compareable with a goodes pending walk.
This similie should show the contrast between prototype and reality.
Also it expresses that his Mistress is a indigenous woman who symbolizes this reality.

In the last two lines we can find the final-rhyming couplet which forms a change for the understanding of the whole content:
Here we can find Shakespeares main statement in which he points out that he nevertheless loves his Mistress.
Shakespeare underlines this fact by naming his main thesis which says that appereances are not what matter, where true love is concerned.

All those aspects are also represented by the form/structure of the Sonnet:
Shakespeare makes use of the iambic pentametre (u-s) which is chracteristic for Shakespeare.
Also, we can find a rhyme scheme:
In the Quatrains he utilizes a cross rhyme(....) while we can find a rhyme-pair in the final couplet (..).
This use of pattern shows the exeptional position of the Final couplet and points out it´s importance (main statement).

If one relates to all those aspects one can conclude that Shakespeare (ich würde gerne Mittels dieses Sonnets schreiben komm aber nicht auf eine angemessene Formulierung) critizises/smiles (at)(belächeld) the traditional and often excessuv view of love and its meaning which is expressed in steriotyping love poems at the Shakespearian time.
Moreover it shows that shakespeare is a individualist who do not follow the category of typical poets.
He attempts to describe reality by ignoring these exessively varnishs.(kann man das so sagen?)

lG und danke im vorraus Smile

edit:

hier nochmal das Sonnet:

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red.
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes there is more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go:
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

William Shakespeare
*xknuddlmausx*
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BeitragVerfasst am: 06 Dez 2009 - 15:37:18    Titel:

kann keiner mal eben drüber schauen? wär mir wirklich eine große Hilfe.
Zwanglos
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BeitragVerfasst am: 06 Dez 2009 - 23:38:20    Titel: Re: Korrektur/Kritik erwünscht

*xknuddlmausx* hat folgendes geschrieben:

The Sonnet 130 by W.S deals with the subject area love and it´s meaning which is expressed by the speaker.


it's = it is
its = possessive

William Shakespeare's Sonnet 130 concerns itself with love and the meaning thereof, as expressed by the speaker.

Zitat:
The Sonnet consist of three quatrains and a final couplet, which is a distinguishing trait for Shakespearean Sonnets.
The first Quatrain opens with a unexpected simile "my Mistress eyes are nothing like the sun."
At this point that kind of similie is a surprising similie because normally we would expect that - especially in a love poem - poets would praise theyr beloved by paying them a compliment.
In the next few lines Shakespeare Continues by describing other aspects of the appereance of his Mistress in a demonstrative negative way.
In these lines he focuses on rhetorical devices like colors("..."),contrasts/similies /anaohora(wie kann ich die Auzählung an dieser Stelle eleganter ausdrücken?) to underline that his Mistress appereance isn´t compareable with the idealistic view of a Mistress.


In these lines he uses a number of rhetorical devices, such as color, contrasts/similes, and anaphora in order to underline that his own mistress doesn't live up to the idealistic appearance of a mistress, which one might hear about in plays or read about in books.


Ich habe leider keine Zeit mehr, muss meine eigene Aufsätze (auf Chinesisch) schreiben.
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