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Korrektur Englisch(LK) Hausaufgabe
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Anmeldungsdatum: 03.12.2011
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BeitragVerfasst am: 03 Dez 2011 - 12:34:22    Titel: Korrektur Englisch(LK) Hausaufgabe

Hallo,

erstmal kurz ich bin neu hier und bitte/hoffe auf schnelle Hilfe in soweit wie es möglich ist.
Ich habe über das wochende eine Englischhausaufgabe bekommen (LK)
Wir sollen von Nightmare in gray (Fredric Brwon) die Geschichte selbständig beenden. Zur Vorgeschichte es geht um ein Paar das der Mann ( Name nicht angegeben) soll das erstemal die Familie seiner Freundin (Susan) kennenlernen er sitzt also nun im Park und geht zu ihr, ihre augenscheinliche Schwester von Susan macht die Tür auf und er solle im Flur auf sie warten. Dann nächste Zeile steht einfach nur "Suddenly..." da und ab da beginnt meine geschichte. Ich hoffe irgendjemand könnte sich die Zeit nehmen und einmal einen Blick in Bezug auf Ausdruck und Gramtik drüber werfen.

Hier meine geschichte:

Suddenly he heard some noise behind him. It sounded like steps coming closer to him. As he looked in the mirror he saw a man with a cruel view and only black clothes directly behind him who had something in his hands. His first thought was to run away from him. But if he had achieved the door and had his hands on the jack and pull it down, he had to realize that the door was locked up. At this moment he felt intolerable pain at his head, because the man with the black clothes had beaten on his head with a metal rod.
As he woke up he first felt only the headache.
After a while he noticed that he was in a dark room. Maybe it was the basement of Susan´s family. Susan.. where could she be, he thought. She wasn´t at home when he had knocked there and who was this other girl and who was this cruel man that hit him?
When he looked around he saw something on the other side of the room. It looked like a person with brown hair . Could it be?
He stood up and went to this person and it really was Susan. But she was bound on an old heating and had a lot of blood in her face.
He shook here on her shoulder and she came to herself and looked irritated at him. But after a few minutes she remembered what happened to her.
Her grandma was ill and her family would visit her. She lives in the next town. But Susan wouldn’t come with them to her Grandma, because she would see him even if her family wasn’t home.
A short time before he should arrive someone hat knocked on the door and she opened it. There stand this man who says he must control the water pipes in her house and behind him stands a girl who looks exactly like herself.
Susan let the people come in to control all the water pipelines, but when she stood with the back to them they attacked her.
They both agreed that they need a plan to come out from the basement. After a while he had a good plan. Last week he had seen “Home Alone” and in this movie there was a boy nearly in the same situation that two people broke in his house. The boy had many good ideas to chase away the burglars. Someone was with little toy cars and he had seen many toy cars in the basement, because Susan’s dad collect them since he was 10 years old.
He provides some courses on the steps and than he make loud noises to attract the two burglars.
And it worked. The man opened the door and went into the basement. But he slipped on the cars.
The girl which looks like Susan was alarmed by the noise and come to the basement too and slipped away on the toy cars like the man.
He opened the ankle on Susan’s hands and they both wanted to be away from basement and this two cruel people as fast as they can.
But when he wanted to run the man hold his leg and he crashed to the ground and lost his awareness.
As he woke up he looked around him. But he was in the park?! How did he come there and where was Susan and the two burglars? He heard the sound of a clock. It was the clock of the bridge next to the park. And she rang four times.
He asked a woman next to him which day is today and she said to him that today is the 6th July.
He realized that all must have been a dream. Nothing was real. No, not nothing. Something was real. Today he would meet Susan’s Family. And he was really excited about it.


Ich bedanke mich bereits jetzt schon ich hoffe es hat jemand Zeit.
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