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Letter of Motivation Business School ---> Kontrolle
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Alexsonsun
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Anmeldungsdatum: 21.01.2009
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BeitragVerfasst am: 23 Apr 2012 - 09:04:41    Titel: Letter of Motivation Business School ---> Kontrolle

Hallo Zusammen,

für einen einsemestrigen Aufenthalt in einem Business School Master, muss ich einen LoM verfassen. Da ich mir noch etwas unsicher bin, würde ich mich freuen, wenn einer von Euch, die ja hoffentlich Erfahrung mit solchen Sachen haben, mal drüber gucken könnte und mir ggf. Hilfestellung bzw. Feedback geben könnte.

Besten Dank


Dear Sir or Madam,

please kindly find my application for a one-semester-stay at [Business School]

I am attending the Master of Science programme in Business Administration at the University of [...], Germany. My majors are Controlling, Finance and Accounting. Through continuously motivating myself, I have been able to accomplish excellent grades during my bachelor and master studies. However, I am convinced that I will meet BI´s high demands to complete satisfaction as well.

While working as a student research assistant at the chair of Accounting and Auditing in [...], my desire to attend in a PhD programme has increased steadily. To achieve this purpose, I feel that I should expand my financial knowledge.[Business School] is very well known in the world for its excellent research on finance and financial economics. Therefore, I am persuaded that your university is the best way to achieve a profound financial knowledge.

Furthermore I have chosen [Business Schools] Master of Science programme because most of the courses offered, can be taken into account at the University of [..., Germany]. However, I am very much interested in attending in Introduction to Asset Pricing, Fixed Income Securities, Derivatives, Corporate Governance and Multivariate Statistics. In my opinion, these courses will complement my studies at its best and help me to develop a unique profile, which in turn may lead to a comparative advantage on the labour market.

Of course, there are not just professional reasons why I am interested in a place in your programme. I am very excited to become acquainted with the educational system of Norway. As it was decorated several times for its schooling system in the past, I feel that this may have positive implications on the university system, which I really would like to get to know as well. Beyond that, I am certain that the Norwegian mentality with its distinctive sense of education will coin myself in a positive manner.

With hope that you will give me the chance to take some of the Norwegian spirit to Germany I would be very happy to hear from you soon.

Respectfully yours

[Me Wink]
Alexsonsun
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BeitragVerfasst am: 26 Apr 2012 - 08:27:02    Titel:

Findet sich denn niemand, der mal kurz drüber gucken und ggf. Auskunft darüber erteilen kann, ob ich mir grobe Schnitzer geleistet habe? Ich möchte ja keine Vollkorrektur a la englisches Lektorat Wink

Nochmals Danke für jede Hilfe Wink
schnurzel91
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BeitragVerfasst am: 26 Apr 2012 - 16:07:13    Titel: Re: Letter of Motivation Business School ---> Kontrolle

Alexsonsun hat folgendes geschrieben:

Gute Gliederung, soweit ich das sehe; aber ich finde das noch VIEL zu lang und schwaflig und gestelzt formuliert. Kurz und knapp zum Punkt (warum du geeignet bist für den AUfenthalt; nicht, was du jemals alles gemacht hast) kommen! Was man da inhaltlich kürzen kann, musst du wissen. Wenige sprachliche Fehler. Ich richte mich nach britischen Briefgepflogenheiten, meine Streichungsvorschläge sind lila, was weg muss, rot.
Dear Sir or Madam KEIN KOMMA (bitte nur so, wenn du wirklich keinen Ansprechpartner genannt bekommen hast; es sieht besser aus, wenn man sich die Mühe macht, den Namen herauszufinden)
Please kindly find my application for a one-semester-stay at [Business School]
Erster Buchstabe groß trotz Komma vorher!
Schwalliger Anfang; komme lieber gleich zum Punkt: I am writing to apply for ...
I am attending the Master of Science programme in Business Administration at the University of [...], Germany. My majors are Controlling, Finance and Accounting. Through continuously motivating myself, I have been able to accomplish excellent grades during my bachelor and master studies. However, I am convinced that I will meet BI´s high demands to complete satisfaction as well.
Was soll das however? du hast doch vorher geschrieben, dass du toll bist =); dann wäre doch das letztere eine logische Folge: So, I am convinced... Lass auch das to complete satisf. weg; doppelt gemoppelt.

While working as a student research assistant at the chair of Accounting and Auditing in [...], my desire to attend in a PhD programme has increased steadily. To achieve this purpose, I feel that I should expand my financial knowledge.[Business School] is very well known in the world for its excellent research on finance and financial economics. Therefore, I am persuaded that your university is the best way PLACE to achieve a profound financial knowledge.

Furthermore I have chosen [Business School's] Master of Science programme because most of the courses offered, can be taken into account at the University of [..., Germany]. However, I am very much interested in attending in Introduction to Asset Pricing, Fixed Income Securities, Derivatives, Corporate Governance and Multivariate Statistics. In my opinion, these courses will complement my studies at its best and WILL help me to develop a unique profile, which in turn may lead to a comparative advantage on the labour market. Ohje; Drück das schlichter und kürzer aus.

Of course, there are not just professional reasons why I am interested in a place in your programme. I am very excited to become acquainted with the educational system of Norway. As it was decorated AWARDED several times for its schooling system in the past, I feel that this may have positive implications on the university system, which I really would like to get to know as well. Beyond that, I am certain that the Norwegian mentality with its distinctive sense of education (gibt es das??? ich bezweifle es) will coin myself in a positive manner. the Norwegian mentality... will shape/influence me positively (nein, der Versuch, das umzuschreiben, macht es nicht besser)
Auch viel zu lang und wiederholend. Außerdem sagst du letztlich nochmal dasselbe wie oben: weil es eine gute UNi ist, willst du dahin.

With hope (nein) that you will give me the chance to take some of the Norwegian spirit to Germany KOMMA I would be very happy to hear from you soon. oder I would be grateful for the opportunity to ... weitere Phrases:
If you require any further information, feel free to contact me.
I look forward to your reply.
I look forward to hearing from you.
I look forward to seeing you.
Respectfully yours (das schreibt man nicht so; wenn man den Namen der Person nicht kennt;) - Yours faithfully KEIN KOMMA
wenn der Name bekannt ist: Yours sincerely

[Me Wink]
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