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Creative Writing: Bitte um Korrektur
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Jasmin24
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Anmeldungsdatum: 02.01.2011
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BeitragVerfasst am: 04 Jan 2011 - 21:56:27    Titel: Creative Writing: Bitte um Korrektur

Hallo miteinander!
Ich musste für die Uni einen Text weiterschreiben und dabei ein bisschen kreativ sein.. wäre lieb von euch wenn ihr es mal durchschauen könntet. Danke schon mal Smile

Ausgangtext:
Paula took a walk along the river very early one morning. She had been walking for some time when she was shocked by the sight of a man pulling a body up out of the water onto the deck of a riverboat. The body had been caught on the anchor chain. Paula rushed to help the man, but he had already gotten the body onto the deck.
Then the man turned to Paula and said, ‘’ You wait here while I get the police.’’ And he ran off.

Meine fortgesetzte Version:
Paula had an uneasy feeling. She seemed very tense while she looked nervously at the surrounding. It was cold and there was a lot of steam on the river. She noticed that the body was a dark-skinned man and turned her back to it, she felt sick. After a few minutes the police arrived. A policeman took her to the police station, where Paula gave evidence, then she was sent home.
At night Paula couldn’t sleep. Again and again she thought about the body. There were not a lot of African people in her city. Only a few ones lived in old and run-down containers near the river.
The next day she called the police officer to ask about the occurrence but he only said: ‘’Darling, we have a lot to do right now. Probably it was just the way the blacks bury their dead people. Just keep out of it.’’ Paula was shocked about this rude statement. She decided to go to the containers and find out what happened by her own.
‘’Hello? Is there somebody?’’, said Paula, knocking at the weak walls of the container. Suddenly she noticed a pair of dark eyes looking at her through a little slit in the wall. ‘’ Who is it?’’ whispered a woman with African accent. ‘’Please, let me talk to you. My name is Paula Griffin. Don’t be afraid.’’, answered Paula. The African woman opened slowly the door. Her name was Malik, she was very thin and she had a little baby on her arm. Paula told her about the body and she noticed that the dark eyes of Malik where filled with tears now. ‘’You know him, right?’’, asked Paula. ‘’ We came here to have a better life.’’, Malik answered. ‘’But you see… No good here! We are all sick. The colorful pills make us sick.’’ Her English wasn’t really good but Paula understood what she was saying. Malik told her about some white men who promised a better life in Germany. The only thing they had to do is being guinea pigs. ‘’That’s horrible! We have to go to the police immediately!’’, said Paula. ‘’Policeman no good, officer bad! He and white men together.’’, claimed Malik crying. Now everything became clear to Paula: She covered the brutal and illegal cooperation of the police officer and a big drug firm in her city.
Later on the forensic medicine found out that Maliks husband died of intoxication. Thanks to Paula and her courage the scandalous cooperation was finally revealed.
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